Did I ever tell you that Red is My favourite colour?
01.08.04

My Last Light

Concealed
I am sinking deep
In disgusts of your metaphor-ism
Hurt-less
I am dying
without knowing I’ve lived
Joy-less
I plea
in plethora of your blessings
Hopeless
I watch far above heavens
still existing in hope
Ashamed
I sigh
for your cowardly sins
Humble
like a myrmidon
I cover your marks
Numbed
I fall
in quaffs of your indifference
Motionless
I move
toward the bleakness

of my last light


07.08.04

By Asima S.

The house weeps. He grunts. He twists. And he grunts with pain. I hear him each night I lie in my bed to fall asleep. I begin to turn and twist myself. Is it the pain, much too incessant to bear? Or is it the hauling noise he makes that makes me scared? I am not too sure. I lie in my bed thinking he is sad. Just like me. I lie quietly listening to him. His incoherent whining and whispering forms sinister sounds of ghosts. The house lives. He breaths. Sometimes I can hear him breath within me.


He bewilders my dreams as their procession falls astray. Half awake I see my dreams scatter toward uninformed directions. I chase them with a fish net in my hand. I see her then. Clearly. A little girl in her white frock with blue ribbons chasing the butterflies in the gardens of Eden. I begin to chase her. My Dream.


The words form then. In the same chase I have been part of, I see them take different shapes. Shapes of my heart; Leered. Loved. Betrayed. Scavenged. Distorted. Dumped.


“Are you not to write? You haven’t for long. You must write” they urge. And so I write. The chase begins and I become part of it. I write.


In the reflection of your questions I see myself drowning
in unreflective depths
Save me my Lord for I know not who you are
for I know not who I am
You corrupt me
and in my mind I am a saint
You save me
and in my mind I am fucked
They read my words and praise me with bravos.


“Beautiful. Sublime.” One remarks


“Yes, she knows how to turn emotions into words”


My words in pain makes them want to hear me. My silent face makes them want to shut me. They feel joy seeing me in pain. My face is devoid of all else. Is it only the face they see? It must be. Because they don’t feel what I do. They don’t hear what my eyes say. They don’t hear what I hear. They haven’t reached what I have. They don’t speak what I speak. All else is futile.


Speak you bitch before I get bored of you. The irony is they only smile, the smiles I fear the most. Nothing else. We make out then. Everything is back to normal.


In circling motion of your kisses
as they die
before they reach my skin
the scent of lavender
the scent of something
un-breathing
un-relented
mmm… I breath it all in
but I will never forgive you
for you have my soul


I wake up lying there. Erased of all the feelings. All the hurts. All the joys. Only the silence remains. Now, where are my clothes?


No! Where is my fucking reward?


I think what I need is you. Strange, that I feel you but I don’t have you. Neither of you. Strange, is it not? I cannot have the two divinities in my life. Yet I do worship them. Strange indeed, that I worship God and still feel alone. Strange indeed that I feel love but I don’t have it.


Why don’t you listen to me? Why don’t you see what lies in your hands? You are blinded by what you do not have. And I am blinded by what I do have. Tell me then, who is the one deprived?


Give me then what I deserve, if not the jewels of life and death. You. And I shall gain eternity.


04.08.04

It's only what's fucking expected of me.
SiMi

Breath of Life

Oí loved one
call me to my abode
..................Breath of life
That echoes
within my heart
Keeper of my joy
..................My pain
Shower upon me
dreams your eyes weave
..................Breath of life
Speak not
for dreams are deaf
Let them evolve within
..................your eyes
Fill me up
with chasms of awakening
..................Breath of life
Disperse upon me
winds of your scented omens
..................my hope
Vanquish my body
Possess what I possess
..................Breath of life
Define the rhythms
of my weary existence
..................my ignorance
Dissolve me within
Let me not wash away
..................Breath of life
Absorb me
in swirls of your love
..................in you
13.06.04

Give Me all Your Dreams...

Give me all your dreams...
            And I shall give you all the realities.

She sits so close to him
Him, lost in his sorrows
“So what was the question?”

I am senseless
            Shaking
In what follows my dreams
            Your realm

She whispers sighs of longing
He sits unmoved
“So what was the question?”

I feel numb but I feel something
            Nothingness
So close to me you are, yet you remain
            Unreachable

She reaches and touches his heart
And he thinks it was his own fate
“So what was the question?”

I shall give you all the realities
            Answers
Whisper what my heart needs to hear
            Unthinkable

She carries her saddened smile silently
Riddling her existence in his hands
“So what was the question?”

I shall gift you a picture of a picture
            Framed
The answers lie behind for your eyes
            Sealed

Give me all your dreams...
            And I shall give you all the realities.

09.06.04

From Kahlil Gibran's book "The Beloved".
SiMi

Untitled 12:23-12:32 AM

Untitled 12:23-12:32 AM

Echo in my eyes
remnants of our past
Project your whispers
into my heart
Delicious in my mouth
the taste of your lust
while you feed upon
your remorse
Divest my innocence
with your plain sighs
Lick my body
on what my wounds lie
Taste the sweetened agony
where my eyes burn
and turn into ashes,
fruit of your need
satisfied, abandoned
Think me
in your heightened dreams
Caress my hopeless screams
and laugh the laughing laughter
under your sleeves
Draw me
where the lines fade away
around the corners of your palm
Write to me your destiny
and let me become it
where I reside
in stars of your prophecy
Name me your life
and I shall present you my soul
Let me be an omen
in place of your worship
Speak me in your prayer
and I shall hear you in mine

30.07.04